By Alexis Lamb
**TRIGGER WARNING: This text contains references to domestic abuse. Please be aware of this potentially upsetting content as you engage with the text.**
The forest stretched for dozens of miles before careening around a body of water where trees parted to form a canopy over the quaint spring. Wildflowers sprouted in clusters around the perimeter of the lake, moss hung from branches centuries old and withered, and a few lone logs floated comfortably in the water. Rays of sunlight penetrated through the bright green leaves, leaving a warm glow on the surface of the spring. The water sparkled and danced in the air, as if there were a thousand fireflies underneath just waiting to burst into the sky.
Everything was vibrant shades of green and blue, like something straight out of a painting. The forest was almost two-dimensional in this way, as if it wasn’t actually there. But its beauty could not be denied. Birds took flight with melodic cries and the faint croaking of frogs was ever present. The trees swayed in the gentle breeze, soothing whoever was lucky enough to enter the clearing. It smelled like morning dew, but the sun showed that it was already afternoon.
The air was warm and humid when the woman found herself by the edge of the water. Flies buzzed around her face and got lost in the tangle of her unbrushed hair, already poofing up from the dampness of the forest. She ran her fingers through her scalp as she tested the water’s temperature with her toes. Ice cold. But with her clothes sticking to her skin and sweat dripping down her face, the freezing water beckoned her, inviting her in for a relief that she knew would only be temporary. Her skin felt itchy the longer she prolonged getting into the vast, empty lagoon.
There should be other people here, she thought to herself. A beautiful place like this? Families should have been driving hours away from their hometown to experience a couple hours there with their kids. College students should have been flocking to the water with their inflatable floats and beer cans while putting off their exams. It didn’t make sense that she was here alone. Maybe it’s my secret spot, then.
She felt special that she had somehow stumbled across this spring all by herself. No one had to guide her through the forest or show her where to avoid stepping to prevent tripping over her feet. No one gripped her hand or controlled which direction she was going in. Most importantly, no one was there to prevent her from stripping down to her underwear and wading into the pool. The shore of the lake was rocky and uncomfortable on her soles, but the feeling quickly faded as the water leveled out. After a moment of swimming, the woman realized the lake must be at least 10 feet deep, if not more. The water was so clear that she could discern a large rock formation at the very bottom.
She sank into the cold water and began to float on her back, growing accustomed to the temperature and even finding comfort in it. She was making her own decisions now, relaxing in the most picturesque spot she’d ever laid eyes on. What a change from how things used to be.
As she peered up at the branches hanging over the spring, she noticed that one seemed to reach past all the others, snaking its way to an adjacent branch up above. It looked older than everything else around it, more skeletal. Her ears were now completely submerged in the water, and yet she could have sworn she heard the tree whisper to her, warning her that everything was not as it seemed. It’s just the wind, the woman told herself.
The sun must have shifted slightly in the sky, as the spring suddenly grew too cold to bear without the heat of the far-distant star. She shot up and froze, realizing how silent it was and how vulnerable she felt being out there alone. Her splashing cut a sharp sound through the eerie quiet of the forest. Even the water seemed less clear and blue than before as she peered down at it. The woman could no longer see her legs moving underwater, legs that were beating furiously to keep herself afloat.
There was no way to know what lurked beneath her now.
Dread shot through her system as she paddled to the shore. A tight knot of fear settled deep into her stomach, slowing her down and making her feel as though she were barely moving. She swung her head side to side to look for the source of her anxiety, but everything looked normal. The trees still moved in the breeze, and she spotted her pile of clothes a few feet from where she had come in. Her arms grew tired of pumping through the water, but she dared not stop. She was almost there, almost to the shore where safety was surely guaranteed.
An intense hissing sound came from behind her. The woman had no choice but to stop dead in her tracks. Maybe if she didn’t move, whoever (or whatever) was there would fail to notice her. A few seconds passed with the woman still moving her legs under the opaque water. She tried to control her breathing to prevent so much as a whimper from escaping between her lips. A bead of sweat rolled down her nose and fell into her opened mouth.
The hissing grew closer and closer before it was cut off completely. The woman felt someone breathing down her neck, making the hair there stand up in trepidation. All was still. She could sense the imminent threat behind her, but the woman couldn’t take the deafening silence any longer. She swiveled her head around and came face to face with the creature, not ten feet away from her.
The woman knew immediately that it wasn’t some passerby that found their way through the forest like she had. No, this figure was barely human at all. It appeared to be a young woman with long dark hair, matted to the root and in clumps around its naked shoulders. Its dark eyes were bloodshot, but after the woman looked closer, she realized the figure had no eyes at all: only empty sockets that appeared to be looking at her anyway. The figure’s face was mottled, like the roots of a tree had embedded themselves under its flesh and turned its ivory skin brown and rotted. The area around its mouth was torn to pieces, pronounced even further as the figure opened its lips and let out a gut-wrenching scream.
The woman turned back to the shore and swam as fast as her arms and legs would take her. She heard bouts of rough splashing, not knowing if it was from herself or from the creature catching up behind her. She glued her tear-filled eyes on the shore where her belongings lay unkempt, noticing that the grass had somehow grown into her clothes, like the two were now one. She felt a tickling in her foot right before something grasped her calf and yanked her under. Her head was quickly engulfed by the water, but her limbs continued to thrash even though the woman knew it was too late for her, it was too late because the pain in her chest was —
“Are you sure that bitch’s name will be left out of the paperwork?” Mrs. Turner asked Daphne while peering into her makeup compact. They had five minutes left of their appointment and Daphne was counting down the seconds until she was at peace again.
“Yes, Trish, we’ll work around Tom’s affair. Thank God you signed that damn prenup,” Daphne said as she sketched something that vaguely resembled a pond on her legal pad. Daphne had been friends with Trish since undergrad, but the woman had grown increasingly aggravating with her divorce coming to a close. Trish didn’t want her husband’s affair publicized any more than it already was, something Daphne could certainly understand. It’s just that Trish was always going on about some new guy she met at the bar or the cycling class she was attending in the mornings to keep her busy. Daphne couldn’t wait to be rid of her so she could eat lunch in her office before her next meeting at 3:00.
“Then it’s settled,” Trish exclaimed before snapping her compact shut and leaping out of her chair. “Don’t forget girl’s night this Saturday at Joe’s. We missed you the last time you bailed.” Daphne gave Trish a tight smile as the other woman closed the door behind her, leaving Daphne exhaling in relief.
Though Daphne tried with everything in her to return to life as normal, her own divorce, settled six months ago, still reared its ugly head throughout conversations with coworkers and friends alike. Even her family, who knew Daphne hated talking about Pierce, couldn’t resist asking about how he was doing in Colorado. As if Daphne had any fucking clue or cared. Her appointment with Trish made her remember those last moments before Pierce was out of her life for good, how desperate she was for the papers to be signed.
Of course, Pierce refused to sign at first. He was one of those men who cared deeply about his reputation. He was a big sales director at an up-and-coming marketing firm with a hot young lawyer as a wife. They had a perfect two-story house in the suburbs of Chicago with two golden retrievers and a garden out front. Everyone assumed they were happy and in love, and everyone loved Pierce. If only they knew that Daphne took beatings after beatings at night when Pierce started drinking, that she would be slammed up against a wall and punched in the stomach after yet another conversation where Daphne refused to have children with him. No, no children. Not in that marriage and not ever, she thought.
Daphne got up from her desk and stretched her limbs, ignoring the sharp pain in her leg as she went to open her office door. If she moved quickly, she would have just enough time to pop into Sera’s office before 2:30, when Sera usually left to catch lunch with her fiancé.
She passed office after office on the right side of the hallway, ignoring those who gestured for her to come in and chat. She couldn’t be bothered. Right as she was about to split from the main hallway and turn left towards Sera’s office, she stopped short before passing the coffee room. There were voices inside, voices that sounded vaguely familiar.
“…you hear about Pierce Kincaid moving to Denver? He looks ten times happier there than when he was with Daphne,” someone murmured. Daphne couldn’t bother to place the voice. It was just another nameless, conniving paralegal from the building who cared way too much about Daphne and her personal life, while Daphne didn’t give a shit about them. “Yep. Looks like he posted engagement photos on Facebook with some hippie chick. I’d wonder how he found somebody else already, but have you seen the man?” The two women laughed and paused for a moment.
In a much quieter voice than before, the first woman said, “I still can’t believe Daphne managed to screw that up so bad. He was, like, perfect. He was always praising her at luncheons and talking about how they were trying for a baby.”
“Must be because she works all the time. No man wants a workaholic as a wife, especially one like her. Jan told me she didn’t even want to have kids with him.” Daphne heard one of the women gasp, like choosing not to partake in motherhood was the greatest sin since the serpent slithered through the Garden of Eden. Daphne shook her head and kept walking, but not before making direct eye contact with both women inside the room. At least they had the decency to look embarrassed.
Daphne continued down the hallway and turned left, losing all motivation to see Sera. There was only a slight tremble in her jaw, but it was enough to piss Daphne off even further. So what if she was a cold-hearted bitch to everyone that didn’t know the truth? So what if she worked long hours last year to avoid going home to more abuse? And so goddamn what if she never wanted to have a fucking baby? As if that was the end of the world.
She peered out the floor to ceiling windows that now occupied the ride side of the wall, looking down at downtown Chicago. She always felt so small seeing everyone go about their business on the crowded streets. Just before she decided to turn around and head back to her office to avoid yet another disappointing social interaction, she paused at the window and felt a chill crawl up her spine. She could see her own reflection in the glass, but there was something else.
A second face loomed behind her shoulder, one that looked like it was rotting from the inside out.
~
The smell of moss and decaying wood permeated the still air. It was almost dusk, the sun dropping lower in the sky with every passing minute. Fireflies flew lazily around the low hanging branches of the trees bordering the lake, the water glowing a deep iridescent blue. Though there was a slight chill coming from the breeze, the earth surrounding the body of water was warm as the woman stepped closer and closer to the edge. It felt like the sun was still touching every part of the ground around her, but the moon dominated the sky instead.
The darkness on the outskirts of the clearing terrified her. It was a sea of nothing, but here in this patch of the forest, the water still welcomed and assured her that the darkness would not matter once she was safely in its arms. It was tempting. Even if the water was ice cold, the woman would not mind. She would grow numb to it eventually, like all else.
She closed her eyes. Without knowing she had moved, the woman found herself floating on her back in the spring, stripped of her clothing like last time. Was there a last time? She thought. Yes, there was. I’m sure of it. I felt free.
Night had officially come, and with it, a dazzling collection of stars for the woman to gaze up at while she let the water seep into her bones, her soul. It ran through her blood stream like an electric current, heating her insides despite its freezing temperature. Every atom in her body was touched by the prickling sensation, but she did not try to fight it. She just looked at the constellations above and waited as the current traveled down her arms, over her wrists, through her fingertips, and further down past her thighs.
It was utterly silent. The faint sound of the fireflies’ wings had disappeared, and no frogs or birds were left to keep her company. In the back of her mind, the woman remembered the need to feel scared in this moment. But what was frightening about the calm she was experiencing, the peace at which her body finally felt with her spirit?
Perhaps she was being reborn. Is that what this feeling is?
It began to rain, yanking the woman out of her serenity and leaving her disoriented. The water droplets came faster and faster, choking her even as she kept her head above the surface. She gasped, lifting herself up despite her limbs weighing her down. She swam cautiously towards a tree trunk poking out of the water, too aware of how slow she was moving. The trunk was just big enough for her to hoist herself up and balance on, offering her a moment of relief as she lay there panting on her stomach.
She could barely see through the thick sheet of rainfall passing over the spring, but there was a dark area of the water that caught her attention and squeezed her chest. It seemed to bend and contract around the ripples created by the storm. The woman squinted, straining her eyes and senses while her heart beat rapidly in her chest. She was sure of it, now. It was a person.
That woman, she thought. It all came crashing down on her at once: the sunlight, the whispering trees, the creature that followed her and breathed into her ear, perhaps even spoke to her. She was unsure. It was all so blurry, her memory now indecipherable due to the pain and the lightning that blinded her. She hovered silently on the tree trunk, waiting for the figure to draw closer. She would not swim away this time. She wanted to see the young woman again, see what made her so monstrous and inhuman besides her dirty skin and naked body. But the creature did not come any further. A flash of lightning lit up the spring and showed the figure fifteen feet away, completely submerged except for its head. The woman yearned for the creature to come closer, drawn to its energy despite everything in her screaming for her to run.
Before the woman had time to blink, the creature was in front of her, their foreheads almost touching. She gasped and jerked backwards, almost sliding off the trunk that kept her upright, but the creature reached up and grabbed her by the back of the neck. She was forced to look deep into the vacant eyes of the monster in front of her.
The woman felt like she was falling. Uncontrollably sobbing, she realized she was looking at herself. A twisted, grotesque, pain-riddled version of herself. She searched the creature’s face for any sign of impending danger, but its face was without a doubt her own. Why would she fear herself? The woman stopped trying to fight back, stopped trying to wrench her body and mind away from the woman who looked just like her. The creature had begun to make a low whining sound that blended in with the cacophony of rain and thunder.
The woman raised her arm shakily, silently asking the creature for permission before running a finger over its scarred cheek. The creature leaned into the touch and balanced its head in the palm of the woman’s hand, like its fate was now hers to bear.
~
Daphne nursed a coffee at the small breakfast nook in her apartment the morning she decided to take a day off work. It’s just one sick day, she told herself. It wouldn’t make or break her. She would send out a few emails to her clients after she got some much-needed rest and go about her day as though nothing had happened the night before, as though Pierce hadn’t called her drunk at 2:00 in the morning spewing some bullshit apologies. She kept telling herself that he had no hold over her anymore, hoping that she would feel comforted by it. She wasn’t. She finished her coffee and climbed back into bed, abandoning any hope of being productive. Her head was pounding and her limbs felt like they had been yanked from her body, only to be reassembled in the wrong position. The incessant ringing in her ears did not help her migraine, nor did it allow her to fall into the dream-less sleep that she so desperately craved. Daphne blindly swept her arm across her nightstand, searching for the bottle of Tylenol she knew to be there. Maybe if she took enough, it would knock her out like a light. Just as the thought crossed her mind, Daphne felt a stabbing pain in the back of her skull, as if someone had taken a club and swung at her. She jolted out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom connected to her room, almost running face first into her floor length mirror in the process. Make it stop, please make it stop! Daphne fell to her knees as the screaming in her head made its way into the quiet room. She peered into the mirror that she now found herself in front of, feeling the hardwood floor bite into her knees.
She gripped her head between her hands and squeezed, closing her eyes against what she knew would be looking back at her in the reflection. The monster, the woman in the lake, the creature with rotting skin and empty eyes. It was her. It had always been her. “I still can’t believe Daphne managed to screw that up so bad.”
“No man wants a workaholic as a wife, especially one like that.”
“What woman doesn’t want kids with her husband?”
“Do you think she cheated on him?”
“Daphne, please, please listen to me. I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry—”
Daphne screamed until her throat was raw, until her fingernails were bloody from clawing at her skin. When she finally looked into the mirror, the woman in the lakes’ face was smiling back at her, but where the creature had no eyes, Daphne’s shone bright with fervor.
Daphne was back in the forest. She walked confidently into the water, not pausing to remove her clothes or test the temperature before plunging into its cold depths. She allowed herself a moment to admire the surrounding area, the sun shining bright in the sky, before meeting eyes with the creature that had come for her. Daphne swam faster and faster, so close to reaching what would end her misery and pain for good. No more nightmares, no more thoughts. Nothing at all but blissful silence and the calm of the lake.
The creature took Daphne’s arm and pulled her under the water before Daphne could thank her for making her see the truth.
There is nothing monstrous about peace.
